Zib
icefishermanmark
What do you call a small fish magician? A magic carpet.
Standing at the edge of the lake, a man saw a woman flailing about in the deep water. Unable to swim, the man screamed for help.
A trout fisherman ran up. The man said, "My wife is drowning and I can't swim. Please save her. I'll give you a hundred dollars."
The fisherman dove into the water. In ten powerful strokes, he reached the woman, put his arm around her, and swam back to shore.
Depositing her at the feet of the man, the fisherman said, "Okay, where's my hundred dollars?"
The man said, "Look, when I saw her going down for the third time, I thought it was my wife. But this is my mother-in-law."
The fisherman reached into his pocket and said, "Just my luck. How much do I owe you?"
Effective February 1st, the California Highway Patrol and the California
Department of Fish and Game will be merged to form the new California
Department of Fish and CHiPs.
One day while driving home from his fishing trip in the pouring rain, a man got a flat tire outside of a monastery. A monk came out and invited the man inside to have dinner and to spend the night. The stranded motorist gladly accepted the monk's offer.
That evening the man had a wonderful dinner of fish and chips. He decided to compliment the chef.
Entering the kitchen, the man asked the cook, "Are you the fish friar?" "No," the chef replied, "I'm the chip monk."
A man is out in his row boat when suddenly a passing speed boat raises huge waves and the man's oars fall overboard! He is stranded out in the middle of the lake!
After about two hours, he sees another row boat going by with a man and two women in it! The first man yells, "Hey buddy, can I borrow one of your oars?"
The other man yells back, "They're not whores ... they're my sisters".
A Fishy Story
Two avid fishermen go on a fishing trip. They rent all the equipment: the reels, the rods, the wading suits, the rowboat, the car, and even a cabin in the woods.
They spend a fortune. The first day they go fishing, but they don't catch anything. The same thing happens on the second day, and on the third day.
It goes on like this until finally, on the last day of their vacation, one of the men catches a fish.
As they're driving home they're really depressed. One guy turns to the other and says,
"Do you realize that this one lousy fish we caught cost us fifteen hundred dollars?"
The other guy says, "Wow! It's a good thing we didn't catch any more!"
David, the fisherman, had driven by the lake many times and had seen some other anglers about, so he decided to give his luck a try.
On his first day of fishing he had no luck at all but noticed that another fisherman near him that was scooping in one after another.
He had to know The Secret. "Excuse me sir, but would you mind telling me what sort of bait you are using?" he asked.
The other man looked around a bit embarrassed. "Well, I am a surgeon, and quite by accident I found that human tonsil works very well."
David thanked the man, thought about what sort of bait to try next time, and left.
The next day, David returned to the lake, tried a different bait and still had no luck. Just as the day before, there was yet a different man reeling in fish after fish.
"Excuse me," asked David, "but could you suggest a bait that I could try?"
"Well, I can, but I am not sure it will do you any good. I am using a bit of human appendix."
"Hmm," thought David. It seemed that the fish in this lake would require a little more effort than normal. He left, willing to give the lake one more try.
On the third day, David still had no luck. As was usual, there was yet another man near him bringing in fish left and right.
David wanted to confirm what he already knew. "Excuse me sir, but are you a doctor?"
"No, I am a Rabbi." replied the man.
Logged
